Hi, I'm Guybrush Threepwood,
the man who defeated evil ghost pirate LeChuck. You want to hear great
story about it? It all started on Mêlée Island...
Part I : The Three Trial
I came to Mêlée
to seek my fortune and become a fearsome pirate. I asked about it from
the lookout man. He told me to go in Scumm bar and find important looking
pirates there. So I went down the city to Scumm bar. There I talked to
nice pirate. His name was Mancomb Seepgood. One of his friends told me
about LeChuck. I found the important looking pirates from back room drinking
their grog They told me that I should complete the three trials to become
a pirate. Every pirate must handle the sword like a master, find cool treasures
and master the art of thievery. After that information I went to kitchen.
I stole meat, pot and after kicking the loose board behind the bird I took
the fish. So I headed for the trials.
Mastering the sword
I decided to complete
mastering the sword first. On my way to store I checked behind door that
looked weird. And behind it I found a some kind of voodoo store or something.
I took the rubber chicken that was on table. After that I heard some noises
from back room and went to check them. It was the Voodoo Lady. She told
me crazy things about my future. In street I found more interesting people.
Some men of low moral fiber (they probably were pirates) gave me minutes
of meeting on Mêlée Island. I told that I only take them if
they give me 2 pieces of eight. I went to store. The storekeeper didn't
want to give me anything for just 2 pieces of eight so I headed out. I
heard weird voice whispering from dark alley. When I got there, the whispering
man was gone. Only that jerk sheriff, Fester Shinetop was there. I went
to jail. There I met prisoner. But I didn't like to talk to him 'cause
his breath almost killed me. I went to store to buy some breath mints.
I gave them to the prisoner and his breath didn't smell so bad anymore.
He told his name was Otis. But the stupid sheriff came again to ruin our
little chat. I went to walk on the islands paths. I found myself from a
clearing. There was a circus tent. I went in to look for WC. The Fettucini
Brothers wanted me to go into cannon. I decided to agree. After all they
paid me good wage. I showed they my pot as a helmet. After they shot me
with the cannon they agreed to pay me. I went to city where I bought
a good sword from the store. With my new sword, I went to bridge. There
a troll. He said that I should pay toll if I wanted
to cross the bridge. I gave him fish. I headed
to house in east Mêlée. Man inside told me that I would never
become a sword fighter. But when I said: "I do so" many times, he took
me in his sword school. After few hours of
training I was ready to fight. I collected insults and
answers by using a new insult against next pirate that came on my way.
When I thought that I knew all possible insults
that pirates are using I got back to store in the city. I asked the storekeeper
about the sword master of Mêlée. When he left I followed him.
On my way in forest I took a yellow petal from a bush. After storekeeper
was gone I went to sword master's. I used great answers to her insults
and finally defeated her. Insults are listed here.
Carla gave me cool T-shirt to prove that I won her. The pirates in Scumm
bar were little confused after I showed my shirt to them. I had completed
my first trial.
Treasure hunting
I thought I could
dig up the Lost Treasure of Mêlée next. I went to city. There
I talked to citizen of Mêlée. He asked me if I had a cousin
named Sven. I knew that I didn't have. I answered
that I have a barber named Dominique. He told me that it was
good enough and wanted to sell me a map. And not just any map. It was the
map of the Lost Treasure of Mêlée.
He said it'll cost 100 pieces of eight. I bought it of course.
I remembered that nobody can dig up a treasure without a shovel. So I
headed to store and bought one. I started thinking
where I could find a treasure on Mêlée
Island. I thought that forest near the fork would be good place. When I
went to fork I opened the map. I saw it was only dancing lessons. But I
also knew that if step says "Back" I should go in back of the screen. If
it says "Right" I knew that I should go to right etc. I found the treasure
from deep in the forest. I dug it up
with my shovel. Gee... it was a T-shirt again. I showed it to the pirates
at Scumm. They accepted it as a treasure. I had completed my second trial.
Thievery
Now there was only
thievery left. Pirates told me I should steal the Idol of Many Hands from
governors mansion. There was some deadly piranha poodles guarding the mansion.
I put some yellow plant on hunk of meat and gave it to poodles. I think
they were only sleeping. I went to mansion and first door to back. Fester
saw me to go in there and came after me. After
a big fight I realized that I needed a file. I went back to jail. There
I gave some gopher repellent to Otis. He gave me a carrot cake
that his Aunt had made. Inside the cake I found file I was needing. I went
back from the hole in wall at governors mansion. Fester actually caught
me thieving the Idol. I tried to told him
that governor gave it to me. Luckily governor came over there and told
Fester she did. Boy, were she beautiful. I don't remember what I
said to her. When I tried to get out of the mansion Fester came to me.
He took my sword and threw me in sea. I took the Idol and sword and climbed
up the ladders. When I got up I saw ghost ship leaving. The lookout man
told me that LeChuck stole the governor. I
decided to get a crew and a ship and sail to Monkey Island.
Getting the crew and ship
I knew I didn't have
much time to spend. I went to Scumm bar and noticed it was almost
empty. Only the cook was crying there. I took every mug from the bar and
filled one with grog. I started to run to jail. When
I noticed that mug were almost melted I changed
mugs buy using mug o' grog with mug. I Unlocked the lock in jail with grog
and let Otis free. Luckily he agreed to join my crew. Next I visited the
fabulous Hook Island. I got to the island by using
rubber chicken with cable. Mr. Meathook weren't
happy to find me from his house. But he still agreed to join my
crew if I touched a beast inside huge door. I opened
the door and tapped the "beast". I thought that Carla would join my crew
too. All I needed to do was show LeChuck's
letter to her and she promised to be on the dock. I only needed a ship
so far. I headed to Stan's Previously Owned
Vessels. I asked him about cheap ship. I still
couldn't afford it. Stan said that I could get a credit from storekeeper
if I had occupation. Stan gave me a cool magnetic
compass. I headed to store and asked about credit. I said that I have a
job. When the storekeeper opened the safe I looked carefully the combination.
Then I said that I really don't have occupation right now. He took credit
back to safe. I asked him about the sword master of Mêlée.
He went to look her. When he was gone I opened the safe and took the credit.
Then I headed to Stan's. After long long talking I got the ship for 5000
pieces of eight. Now I had it all. I headed to dock and there it was. The
ship was so beautiful. Stan gave me some unnecessary
papers. My crew appeared on dock.
They really weren't ready for work...
Part II : The Journey
So the journey had
begun. I tried to talk my mutinous crew to get them back to work. They
actually came to my ship just to cruise the Caribbean. I went to my cabin.
From drawer I founded captain's log. On the table I took feather pen and
some ink. Then I went to kitchen. I took pot and box o' cereal from cabinet.
In cereal box was a little key. I went to my cabin to try it in cabinet
on left. Inside the cabin I founded a little box. Inside it were some cinnamon
sticks and a piece of paper. Paper told how to get Monkey Island. I went
to flagpole and took the Jolly Roger. From cellar I founded some fine wine,
piece of rope and gunpowder. I went to kitchen. There I prepared a voodoo
cooking to get to Monkey Island. I threw following stuff in cooking pot :
1 Cinnamon Stick
After a little nap
we had arrived to Monkey Island. I threw Stan's business cards in
fire. I went to get some more gunpowder. I put some of it in cannon nozzle
and put the rope on cannon. I placed the pot
in my head and used flaming mass with rope. BOOM!
Part III : Under Monkey Island
When I woke up on
Monkey Island first thing I saw was a little monkey. After him came
a hermit. I picked a banana under the big banana tree. I thought to explore
the island. I collected memos from beaches. On the top of volcano was Herman
Toothrot's home. There was a spyglass. I pushed cannon and collected cannonball
and some gunpowder. I went to mountain. There was a memo. On it was a rock.
It was flint. I put some gunpowder on the dam. Then I used cannonball with
flint. I traveled little with river and walked rest of journey to the pond.
I took rope from corpse's hand. There was also a memo. I talked to Herman
Toothrot. He told he is only civilized human on whole island. I
went back to the mountain. There I pushed device twice (this changes between
different versions) and headed up. I pushed rock down. It hit to banana
tree. I went to get two bananas. I want to search strange crack. I tied
ropes with stumps and took oars from the bottom of the crack. I used oars
with rowboat on beach. Then I rowed to other side of mountain. I
took another memo from the beach. There was a interesting village in the
jungle. I took bananas from bowl in village. Three cannibals caught me
in the act. In jail I picked skull and moved loose floorboard. I rowed
back to other side. Monkey in jungle looked a bit confused. I gave him
all my five bananas. He followed me then. I went to clearing. There I pulled
a nose of pole. Monkey did the same. I took a wimpy little idol. I went
back to cannibals and gave them my idol. From jail I took Herman's banana
picker. I returned it to him and he gave me a key to monkey head. I talked
with the cannibals. I gave them a brochure I got from Stan. They gave me
The Head of Navigator. I went back to monkey head. The key worked with
ear. Inside the monkey I used the head and walked where it looked. When
we made it to LeChuck's ship I wanted the necklace. I had to talk to the
head. After all he gave me necklace. The ghosts onboard didn't see me.
I went to captain's cabin. I took key from wall with magnetic compass.
It opened the way to cellar. I took a feather from ghost chicken and used
with sleeping crew member's foot. I took the jug of grog from him. I used
grog with a bowl in cellar. Rat passed out after that display. I took some
grease with me. I used grease with squeaky door. Inside I took ghost tools.
I opened a crate in animal room with tools. I took the root inside and
went back to the cannibals. They prepared magic root beer. After I got
back to ship it was gone. Only one member of LeChuck's crew was there.
I asked him about the ship. He told me whole story. My crew appeared. I
told them we need to go back to Mêlée Island...
Last Part : Guybrush Kicks Butt
We arrived to Mêlée. On my way to church I had to spray some magic
seltzer on 2 Grim Specters.
In church I yelled STOP THE WEDDING or something like that. Elaine appeared
with rope. LeChuck was very confused but so was I. Accidentally I scared
Elaine's monkeys. I thought to spray seltzer on LeChuck but pocket lint
had jammed the bottle. LeChuck hit me. I woke up at Stan's. I took root
beer and sprayed it on LeChuck. He didn't like it and exploded. It was
time for fireworks and kisses.
List of insults
This is the END for you, you gutter crawling cur! - And I've got a little TIP for you. Get the POINT?
Soon you'll be wearing my sword like a shish kabob! - First you'd better stop waving it like a feather duster
My handkerchief will wipe up all your blood! - So you got that job as a janitor after all?
People fall at my feet when they see me coming - Even BEFORE they smell your breath?
I once owned a dog that was smarter than you - He must have taught you everything you know
You make me want to puke - You make me think somebody already did
Nobody's ever drawn blood from me and nobody ever will - You run THAT fast!
You fight like a dairy farmer - How appropriate you fight like a cow!
I got this scar on my face during a mighty stuggle! - I hope now you learned to stop picking your nose
Have you stop wearing diapers yet? - Why? Did you want to borrow one?
I heard you were a contemptible sneak -Too bad that no ones ever heard about YOU at all
You're no match for my brains, you poor fool - I'd be in real trouble if you ever used them
You have the manners of a beggar - I wanted to make sure you'd feel comfortable with me
I'm not going to take you insolence sitting down -Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh?
There is no words for how disgusting you are -Yes there are, you just never learned them
I've spoken with apes more polite than you -I'm glad to hear you attend your family reunion
Insults against Swordmaster
I've got a long, sharp lesson for you to learn today -And I've got a little TIP for you. Get the POINT?
My tongue is sharper than any sword! -First you'd better stop waving it like a feather duster
My name is feared in every dirty corner of this island -So you got that job as a janitor after all?
My wisest enemies run away at the first sight of me! -Even BEFORE they smell your breath?
Only once I have met such a coward -He must have taught you everything you know
If your brother is like you, better marry a pig -You make me think somebody already did
No one will ever catch me as badly as you do -You run THAT fast!
I will milk every drop of blood from your body! -How appropriate you fight like a cow!
My last fight ended with my hands covered with blood -I hope now you learned to stop picking your nose
I hope you have a boat ready for escape -Why? Did you want to borrow one?
My sword is famous all over the Caribbean -Too bad that no ones ever heard about YOU at all
I've got the courage and skill of a master swordsman -I'd be in real trouble if you ever used them
You are a pain in the backside, sir! -Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh?
There are no clever moves that can help you now! -Yes there are, you just never learned them
Now I know what stupidity really are! -I'm glad to hear you attend your family reunion
I usually see people like you passed out on tavern floors -So you got that job as a janitor after all?
4 Breath Mints
Jolly Roger
1 Drop of Ink
2 Drops of Fine Wine
Rubber Chicken
3 Cereals
Gunpowder